As some of you may know, I am scheduled to enter the frankly terrifying and alien domain of parenthood this summer - my wife is ‘up the duff’ as they say, and come July the fruit of my loins will be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world. Be afraid.

The issue of naming said sprog is currently burning bright in my mind, although as we don’t yet know the sex the possibilites are endless. A few that have potentially stuck are listed below, please feel free to add suggestions of your own, and, for the few Blackbridge parents out there, any potential gems of advice on surviving the first few months would be greatly appreciated.

BOY’S NAMES:

- Rambo Leonidas Potter

- Xbox Achievement Potter

- Dareyoutocallme Harry Potter

- Trains Potter

- Billy Bigballs Potter

- Osama Hussein Potter

GIRL’S NAMES

- Noboys Allowed Potter

- Psycopathic Dad Potter

- Boyfriends Beware Potter

- Beatrix Potter

* Artist's rendition